family

I lay on my bed staring at the sealing wondering how it is that the world can turn and we can't feel it.
With every turn it brings change; new life or the loss of it and everything in between.
With those changes comes joy and hope or loss and fear.
I lay here wondering how anyone can take those things for granted.
Treat life its self as if it was a pointless object and not an amazing gift.
Go through your life risking your life for the attention of others.
Scare those who hold you close to the point they are scared to hold on any longer, although they can not let go. Not completely. Because even if they let you go in their mind you will always be in their heart.
A place that can not be filled by anything other then family.
The love for those closest even when they do not show their love back in the same way.
You may tell me you love me and say you need me but words are nothing without the actions that follow.
The actions that do not involve lying to make yourself look better
or manipulating people into standing up for you.
They are shown by being yourself and trusting that I wont care about your flaws and neither will your other friends.
Trusting that we wont judge you.
And trusting that if they do it is better to be yourself and know who your true friends are then lie and have no true friends at all.
Know that I will never judge you because you are family and you have a place in my heart even though I don't seem to be truly in yours and know that I am scared to hold on any longer because I can not bare to see how your life is going to play out if you stay on the path you have chosen.

Plans

So this weekend is big for me
and im excited
Im not sure yet what I am going to say
but Im looking forward to it
It is my next step
I am moving forward
and I couldn't be happier about this step

Loss

Through my life I have seen people come and go
and this seems to be helping me a lot now
I am one of the few people who can relate to others when they lose a friend at a young age
I know that no words are conforting but that knowing people are there makes all the difference
I am sorry for the loss of Aaron.
Barly out of highschool he past away
He never got the chance to truly live
He will be missed my many
and loved by all whos life he touched